Awkward and Uncomfortable

Have you ever had a friend who you put off calling and put off calling, until it seemed weird and awkward to actually make the call and you never really ended up speaking to that person again?
Well, it seems as though I’m in that very situation. Not with my friends, who I do call. (or text… it IS 2008!)
It seems that I’m in that position with writing and exercise.
I used to write every day… not anything of much substance… just in an old blog, which is still out there… taking up space in internetland. I would chronicle my day to day existence… the funny things that happened, things I was feeling etc… Then along came facebook and the new overshadowed the old and I stopped updating my blog… That was about a year ago… A LOT has changed in the past year, besides Facebook. I’ve been traveling internationally. I’ve fallen in love. Boy and I moved in together and ended up with Cat to take care of. I quit my hateful job and got one that most days I love. So I can’t blame it entirely on Facebook…
But now I realize that even though things have changed, and there’s plenty that I don’t want to share for all the world to see, I miss writing on my little piece of cyberspace. So, I think that I’ll try writing every day. And I’ll try not to expect the next great Canadian novel out of myself, but instead to know that I enjoy writing and it’s sometimes helpful to put your thoughts and intentions down in writing.

I also pretty much stopped exercising… This does not make me feel warm and fuzzy. In fact it makes me feel fat and ugly… now before you start commenting to the contrary, this isn’t a plea for a compliment. People’s priorities change over the weeks and months that they are out there in the world living. It’s fair that sometimes exercise isn’t a priority… it will now have to become one, unless I want my new priority to become having to buy new clothes. I’m not sure why my desire to run changed into a desire to not run… I know that it was much more difficult when they cancelled our exercise program… I did try to find something new, but the ‘magic’ of what we had didn’t follow us to the new program and trying to form a bond with new people at 5 in the morning when the weather sucks is very difficult. And now, that I haven’t really done much short of a few runs in the last while, it feels awkward and unnatural to go back to doing it… much like that friend that you don’t want to call after too long…
Will exercise take me back? Will it welcome me into the inner circle with open arms and once again challenge and push me to new levels of success and growth? Or will it thwart my every try, only to make me seek comfort in the arms of my sofa… I once had what I thought was an unbreakable bond with exercise… will exercise be able to forgive my absence and not make every step from now till a year from now the most painful experience I’ve ever had… is exercise spiteful like that? We shall soon find out.

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One thought on “Awkward and Uncomfortable

  1. I have comments! But you knew that would happen!First, the writing. I suggest using quotes for the first little while to get the juices flowing. After it’s been awhile it sometimes feels constipated and uncomfortable to get back to it. But it’s so cathartic and once it’s on the page you don’t have to think about it anymore. You’ll rediscover your writing style and then it’ll come as easily as breathing.The exercise. That’s something that I live in fear of. When I quit walking to work and hadn’t found running yet I was in angst (can you be IN angst? Or do you HAVE angst? Anyway!) because I knew I had to find something or lose the small hold on the teeny thread that I had. I have so very little experience in this area but I feel like once you’re doing it and it’s working and it’s part of your life and your routine that it seems easy. The thing is? It’s not easy. It never was and it probably never will be. And so when you stop you figure that you should be able to just pick it back up again because it was so enjoyable and simple. Only it turns out to be hard and uncomfortable and nothing like you remembered.Exercise isn’t going to shun you. It’s forgiving and it just wants you back. Sure, it might be a little hard at the beginning but it can’t possibly be as hard as it was the very first time. You will have muscle memory and things will just come right back to you. My only other suggestion would be not to try and recreate the past with CP. I think you might find it disappointing that you aren’t at the point you were before and in reality it’s just not going to be the same. My suggestion would be to take the challenge of exercise and incorporate that with the challenge of something completely new (like 10k training) so that you have no point of reference for how hard it’s going to be. Rather than do something that perhaps you were excelling at before and get discouraged that you aren’t doing as well this time.Just my opinion….take it or leave it of throw it back at me, it’s up to you!

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