Emotional eater buys new tv and spray paints everything cream.

So it’s been proven.  Beyond a reasonable doubt.  I, my friends, am an emotional eater.  Not that I didn’t think it before, but I was more just assuming I was because I’m a pretty emotional person.  Well, Saturday morning I proved it to myself.  Not on purpose mind you, but it was a startling epiphany!  I was at Denny’s (they have my favorite breakfast sandwich!) with my friend Sam and we were sitting quietly eating our respective breakfasts when I stopped myself and realized what was happening.  I was sitting in the bench leaned forward, WOLFING down my sandwich… and thinking about someone who I STRONGLY dislike and who has been a major asshole/bitch to me in the last little while… and the angrier I got, the faster I was eating… I stopped when I realized that half my sandwich was gone.  Given this very difficult time in my life, I think it would be best for me to spend some time paying attention to my thoughts and actions while I’m eating.  And to make sure that I’m eating very healthy things… at least then if I go into a food shovelling coma, what I’m shovelling in there should be healthy!
In other probably not that interesting news, Pat is moving out tomorrow.  There is a LOT left to pack, which is alarming for me, but there’s nothing I can or will do about that.  We’ve both known this day was coming for six weeks and I have too much on my plate keeping myself sane, without worrying about how I’m going to make packing happen. 
I’m really enjoying my new desk area that I made on Saturday.  It’s perfect and it keeps me more focused when I’m on the computer.  I’ve never really liked the idea of being able to sit in the living room and watch tv with my computer on my lap.  OH!  Speaking of TV!  I bought one!  Not just any one.  A 40″ Toshiba flat screen HD TV!  I decided that I wanted Pat to take his Sony tube tv with him when he left because it is big and heavy and I didn’t want to have to try and find a way to get rid of it myself.  I don’t think I can lift it and since I don’t really watch television anyway, I thought that I’d be okay without a tv for a while.  Then I went down to the electronics store that is literally down the street from my house and found that they were having a huge ‘half way to boxing day’ sale and I got the TV for $500!
Tonight before I go home from work I’m going to go and buy a few cans of cream spray paint and some hinges for the cabinet outside.  I’ve decided to spray paint the entire thing cream instead of painting the body green.  I’d like to at least get the doors done in the next day or so because I need to lend out my staple gun.
That’s pretty much the update for me…

With or without him!

Henri wasn’t around when it was time to leave this morning, so he missed out on the adventure.  That’s okay tho, because what I realized was that he was preparing a surprise for me when I got home and really, who doesn’t like surprises!

First, Henri went to the storage locker in Richmond and got the table top and adjustable legs and brought them back to the house.  He found the tools, put the legs on and then rearranged the kitchen just so.  He knew I really wanted a desk area for my computer and this is what he came up with:

Those colored glass objects are antique hydro insulators that my dad collects and he gave me these ones.  I love the colors and love that they’re something that reminds me of him 🙂
Henri also found himself a nice spot to make sure he’s always in on the action.

When I came home and found that he had done such a lovely job, I was motivated to do a project also.  In the above picture you can see that the butcher block island has a shelf underneath.  When you’re sitting on the knitting sofa on the other side of the room, you can see all the storage stuff.  I had just happened to be at the fabric store getting broadcloth for my new duvet (#2) and happened upon this really pretty ‘paisley inspired) coated canvas.  So I used it to wrap the front end of the island with so that you can only see the cereal storage from the kitchen side.
Henri says he approves!

I also spent some time cleaning the window (I even took the screen out and cleaned both sides!) and then took all the new duvet fabric to the laundromat for the preshrinking treatment.  I guess in a way it was fortunate that I accidentally buried my sewing machine when I was moving things around the other day.  You really should preshrink and wash everything before you sew!

That’s all for now.  I can’t decide if I should go buy spray paint or take a nap.

Disobedient Tears

I have spent the last 35 days exhausting myself… I’ve kept the lump in my throat at bay, the screaming silent and the tears at bay.  It’s been 35 days since Patrick and I decided to end our 4.5 year relationship.  I’ve cried exactly twice.  Once the night of our breakup and once in the stairwell of my office (because sitting in a cube farm with short panel walls is not conducive to any sort of freakout.  The problem now is that every moment of every day sees me WANTING to scream and cry and throw a tantrum.  That spot that I was shoving all my emotions is all full up and they’re starting to leak!
I talk a good talk and can converse about my situation with friends and my counsellor without batting an eye… the problem is that I want to cry… I want to take to my bed in misery and cry until I pass out.  I want to take a break from life and ignore my emails and my job and my blog and everyone that wants a piece of me.  I want to scream at the top of my lungs that it’s not fair that in every other situation in my life, I take care of other people and at the first time in my life that I need this emotional support, key players have disappeared off the planet.  I want to go to my dad’s house at the lake and drink Bailey’s infused coffee and talk to him…
The PROBLEM is that I can’t do any of that… Screaming and crying in public is frowned upon.  Taking a break from life means taking a break from money and unfortunately, money is what I use to pay to feed myself and the cat.  I can’t go to my dad’s because of the cat… It costs $27/day to put him in the hotel and this living arrangement change is already going to be difficult for him, given his history (his previous owners packed up all their stuff and moved, leaving him behind.  The people that bought his old house tore it down… and then he came to me) and I don’t think it’s fair to stick him in the hotel right now.  He can’t come with me because if he got lost in the bushes… well, you can just imagine what effect THAT would have on me!  And I can’t ask those key players for support because I don’t know what I want.  I know I don’t want to be smothered.  I don’t want to ask for help and then end up consoling THEM for how difficult this is to believe and how sad  they are that this is happening… 
So on I go… squelching down the overwhelming urge to have a fit.  Declaring to everyone that no no, I’m FINE… and worrying that ‘fine’ only lasts for so long and wondering what will happen when it’s not ‘fine’ anymore.


 May I just set some of the record straight for what you’re no doubt seeing on the news.
1.  If you were to talk to any Vancouver Canuck fan, they would tell you that they’re proud of their team, they worked as hard as they could and in the end, when it comes down to one game, that means that someone wins and someone loses.  The other team won this time.  And the sentiment of most of the fans was ‘We’ll get ’em next time… high five!’. 
2.  The people causing the problem (that core group of rioters) came prepared to riot no matter what the outcome.  Hockey fans do NOT bring bricks, black balaclavas and Molotov Cocktails to a hockey game.  They just don’t.  They bring flags and signs and jerseys.  Yes, they also bring and consume alcohol, but they don’t bring blow torches to light police cars on fire.  They don’t bring bricks to throw at the riot squad.  They don’t bring face masks and gas masks.  They just don’t.  The people that bring those things are people that have only one thing on their minds.  Destruction.
3. The Greater Vancouver Regional District (GVRD) (which I think might now be referred to as Metro Vancouver) is made up of 13 cities and towns, the larger ones of which are all connected by skytrain and buses.  The City of Vancouver is made up of 578,000 people.  The whole GVRD is made up of 2,250,000 people.  Do the math.  A LARGE majority of the people that were downtown during the game and for the riot were not Vancouver-ites.  They were hoodlums and assholes (pardon my language) from outside the City of Vancouver.  So please, when they say ‘Vancouverites are embarrassing (etc)’, know that it’s not JUST Vancouverites… Vancouver-ites are historically very proud of their city, very much in love with their city and the vast, VAST majority of Vancouverites feel the way I do… sad, disgusted, shamed and astounded!
4.  The Vancouver Police Department, the RCMP, the police forces from Abbotsford (over an hour away!), Richmond (20min way), Surrey (20 min away) all did an astounding job.  Before you hop on the bandwagon of criticism, just remember that those officers have families.  One police officer life is worth more than every Bay window smashed.  More than every burning car.  More than any of that.  So when they, as trained officers feel that it’s not safe for the fire department to come downtown, not safe for the paramedics to come downtown and not safe for them to move in, then they’re not going to.  Policing a riot isn’t about the police being as aggressive as possible.  It’s about doing everything they can to minimize the damage, minimize the risk and minimize the injuries and casualties… including to themselves.  Please don’t judge them.
5.  Speculation is that the hoodlum gang calling themselves the ‘Black Bloc’ did/participated/instigated this.  They’re not even from BC!  Their main purpose is to travel to events and make a mess.  Think the Olympics riot when they smashed up the Bay and downtown… same people.  Think the G20 in Toronto where they smashed up Eaton’s and the downtown. Same people.  Reckless, irresponsible and disrespectful jerks.
To the rioters.
1.  You’re on camera.  You’re on YouTube and Facebook and Twitter.  Your peers are forwarding their pictures and videos to the VPD and RCMP so you can be identified.  I plan to scrutinize the pictures as soon as they’re up and try help to identify the criminals.  Many MANY Vancouverites will be doing the same!
2.  The police and the government will be wanting to make as many arrests and write as many tickets as possible.  The morons looting London Drugs for a bag of chips?  You’re going to get arrested.  You’re on camera committing a crime.  The idiots jumping up and down on the police cars (not to mention setting fire to them!).  You’re on camera.  You’re going to be arrested.  The jerks kicking in the windows of businesses.  You’re on CAMERA!  YOU’RE GOING TO BE ARRESTED!
3.  I hope your parents and your employers were watching and you get grounded, spanked, and fired.
4.  To the people that were taking videos, pictures and generally lollygagging around in an unlawful area, you were more trouble than you’re pictures are worth and you made the situation worse.  You’re just as culpable in the crimes committed when you stand to the side, film the nonsense and cheer the idiots on!  When the police told you to go home, you should have GONE HOME!  Had you left, you innocent gawkers, the police could have opened fire with rubber bullets and water cannons (did we just borrow those for the Olympics or do we have our own?), tear gas and full riot actions.  You staying down there and getting  ‘involved’ made the situation worse.  Next time, when they tell you to go home, GO HOME!  The buses and skytrain were running until around 11pm.  The bridges weren’t closed when it was still daylight. 
I’m absolutely devastated.  Mortified!  Incredibly sad and insanely angry!  This riot has given Vancouver a bad name, when it’s not deserved.  This did not happen because of a hockey game.  This happened because the City of Vancouver graciously opened their doors to the general public to have some fun.  Come down to the city and watch the hockey game with 130K of your closest friends.  Share in our joy and celebratory spirit.  And some good for nothing jerks took advantage of that and decided to use the opportunity to get on the news and make a mess.  It seemed their intention was to do everything they could to make it bigger and badder and much MUCH more expensive than the riot that took place in 1994.  They succeeded.  They also succeeded in people criticizing peace loving hockey fans and a city that was trying to bring a little community spirit to it’s streets.  Thanks a lot!

O’Dark Thirty

why yes it IS six am!  Okay, not anymore, but I got up at 5:20 today, was at my carpool partner’s house at 6:20 and at work at 6:45AM!  WHY?!?  At least it’s sunny (ish) and not raining!  Sharon had a meeting that started at seven and since we carpool, here I am too… not that it’s a bad thing… I have an appointment at 3:15 so I’ll leave a little early and avoid having to take any doctor appointment time… thus avoiding the attendance police!
I was standing in the shower staring off into space and attempting to wake up by telling myself… ‘self… it’s okay…even tho you rarely ever actually do this, if you’re very tired when you get home from work and counselling, you can go straight to bed’.  It’s a tactic I often use that seldom results in me actually going to bed at 5:30pm (not that THAT has never happened before!).  But then my more alert side said this:
“THE CANUCKS ARE GOING TO WIN THE STANLEY CUP TONIGHT!  YOU CAN’T BE IN BED!!! WHEN IT HAPPENS!’.  And that was the finite end to trying to trick myself into being awake and happy about it.
I’m impressed with myself tho for having the wearwithall to actually assemble my home made lunch today, even tho it wasn’t even six am.  I made a chicken salad sandwich on sourdough bread.  I’m usually at this point not too disturbed if I have to go to whole foods to get a salad, but today at lunch, besides wanting to knit on my obsession, I have to finish fixing the sock for Sharon that I promised to do ages ago.  Her new puppy ate part of the top cuff of her hubby’s hand knit sock, and I fixed it.  Today at lunch, before I can knit on my obsession (which probably won’t happen), I have to cast off the socky and weave in the ends.  I may have made a small mistake with the sock and accidentally moved the ribbing over one stitch on one half of it, but I’m told no one’s going to notice or care… I think the problem is that I added a few stitches when I picked up the ripped out section… which was easy to do… whomever made this sock had a very ‘unique’ way of weaving in the ends…
The last thing I want to say is that just because something SAYS ‘All Natural’ doesn’t mean it’s going to be good for you or taste good.
I’m referring to Umpqua Oats.  They sell them at my coffee shop and I had heard that theyr’e decent.  I bought the Monkey Bars flavor, which was chocolate/coconut/peanut butter because… well you all know my weakness for peanut butter.  HOWEVER!  Partially defatted peanut powder is NOT peanut butter!  The entire thing was difficult to choke down, tasted a bit like cheap chinese food (peanut powder is used in some dishes) and so synthetic.  So I checked the ingredients (a little too little too late.)  Please tell me what is natural about the following ingredients:
Chocolate Liqueur (from the chocolate chips)
Soya Lecithin (I’m sure at some point natural, but quite a ways from the grown state of soy)
Partially defatted peanut powder (WHAT?)
Again I’m reminded that checking the ingredients instead of blindly following the ‘marketing’ is 10 seconds well spent!  BLECH!