I can’t say that the subject of my post is inspired by Andie, because I’d made this life change a year ago, but writing about it and telling the story and expounding on the thought process IS inspired by her. BTW, if you don’t know who I’m talking about, get over to www.canyoustayfordinner.com and see for yourself!
If you know me well in real life you’re probably already aware that I have issues with food. Some of those issues include what my sister (www.fittyvsfatty.wordpress.com) and I like to refer to as ‘Food Anxiety’. In my case, I have a tendancy to count food if it’s being shared, eat more than I’m willing in fear I’ll never get the item again, and what we also like to call ‘sneak eating’ and ‘pre-eating’.
Sneak eating is something that we developed as kids… i’m sure everyone has done it… sneak a cookie out of the package… run out to Starbucks under the guise of a coffee and secretly get a pastry. My childhood has definitive moments in it where we were sort of forced to sneak eat (usually after dinner) or pre-eat (obviously before dinner). My Grandparents spent a lot of time with us and they were so terrifyed that we would get fat that they monitored EVERYTHING. I specifically remember now that I was thin and athletic and about 14 or 15 and riding my bike for MILES every day in the summer and no extra allowance was given for eating enough to feel full (without insane judgement). I feel as tho I was never allowed to develop my own healthy relationship with food because it was being monitored and controlled for me.
Food Anxiety is I guess for me, the sort of umbrella term for my poor relationship with food. I worry about being hungry, I worry about not getting ‘my share’. I eat more than I want to in order to make sure that I’m not ‘missing out’.
From that comes a somewhat robotic approach to food. So last year, when I made a somewhat surprising epiphany about french fries, I can say honestly I was really surprised! (worlds worst sentance!) I decided one day that I don’t like French Fries. At. All. I realized that I was only eating them because typically that’s what comes with sandwiches and burgers if you eat out. But I don’t like them. They’re bad for you and I don’t find them yummy. So I vowed to never eat another french fry. And I haven’t! I also now have added Yam Fries and hashbrowns into that category. Because I would rather eat yams. Or a baked potato. And when I really have a craving for French Fries, which is actually just a disguise, because what I’m really wanting is ketchup, then I make my own.
The French Fry ephiphany has alerted me to the fact that just because something is socially acceptable to eat (or do or behave like), you’re responsible for your own participation. If you don’t like it, or think it, you’re not required to DO it… The world is a busy place and we’re all moving at a faster more manic pace than ever before… Maybe one of the things we let go of in order to ‘fit it all in’ shouldn’t be our own self awareness….