Bad Words Ahead

WARNING!!! WARNING!!! There are bad words ahead… not my bad words, but bad words!

But if you consider that these people are probably in their early to mid-thirties, you can read with the indignation they have in your head!
Linked from here
And may I just say before you dive into the hilarity that I’ve hand picked for you:
Mine was Red, Shannon’s was Wembley and MINE is ranked higher!!  Also, I thought it was Count Dracula?  Count von Count?  Seriously??

MuppetMovie.jpg
30. Janice
Janice-MuppetsTV.png
29. Elmo
how-elmo-works-1.jpg
28. Abby Cadabby
Abbycadabby.jpg
27. Rizzo the Rat
Rizzo! (The Rat!).jpg
26. Boober
Boober.jpg
25. Lew Zealand
LewZealand.jpg
24. Floyd Pepper
12741-13104.gif
23. Count von Count
r679213_5007288.jpg
22. Wembley
Wembley_Fraggle.jpg
21. Scooter
Scooter1.jpg
20. Snuffleupagus
300_85693.jpg
19. Sam the Eagle
Sam02.jpg
18. Zoot
zoot.jpg
17. Gobo
Gobo-fraggle.jpg
16. Crazy Harry
tumblr_lcuw2fCqox1qzqhk9o1_400.jpg
15. Miss Piggy
misspiggy_120343.jpg
14. Big Bird
300.BigBird.083009.jpg
13. Grover
grover-old-spice-sesame-street.jpg
12. Gonzo
Gonzocaper.jpg
11. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
Bunsen.jpg
10. Kermit
kermit_the_frog123.jpeg

9. The Swedish Chef
Swedishchef-myspace.jpg
8. Red
Holiday-Toys-Tec.JPG
7. Dr. Teeth
209599912_fef5be7afa.jpg
6. Rowlf the Dog
Rowlf2.jpg
5. Fozzie Bear
fozzie-bear.jpg
4. Cookie Monster
cookie-monster.jpg
3. Beaker
Beaker.jpg
2. Waldorf & Statler
waldorf and statler.jpg
1. Animal

animal_muppet_13.jpg

Grover is 13th??!? Are you FUCKIN’ NUTS!!?!? And where the fuck are Bert and Ernie?? And Oscar??

What kinda fucking list are you running here???

The near and far sketch alone should have gotten Grover into the top 10. 

What the FUCK? I don’t even care that much about the muppets but even I know this is ALL sorts of wrong. I don’t even know where to begin. Fucking crazy!

I cosign the indignation over Grover’s abysmally low rank. Grover is the mutherfukking JAM

Fuck you, Elmo is the greatest.
The Count at 23? Ha, ha, ha, ha! Your ass must be crazy!
(Tell me you didn’t think of the previous sentence in the Count’s voice. I rest my case).

Total cluster, you cannot combine Muppets with Fraggle Rock and Sesame Street into a single top 30 list. Blasphemy.

Yeah, I’ve thought about it, and with Oscar not even on the list, there’s no way this list can be taken seriously, so it doesn’t even bother me that you were so very wrong in your Grover ranking.

I am gonna light the torches and start sharpening the pitchfork for some of the inclusions and omissions. here we go…
FRAGGLES DO NOT FRIGGIN’ COUNT! It was a show that could only be fully appreciated by those of us eating Funyuns & Mountain Dew while fanning out our basement dens- if you know what I mean.

Bunsen and Beaker belong on the same spot together as Statler and Waldorf did. Without Bunsen Beaker would have forever been a names background chorus Muppet.

No Ernie and Bert? Really Dustin? I didn’t know you were a closeted member of the 700 Club.

Artificially inflated success aside, the only list that goddamn Elmo belong on is; “Top Muppets We’d Like To See Detonated By Crazy Harry” along with Abby Cadabby , Zoe, and The Fraggles.

No Telly Monster? Okay, He’s not my favorite Muppet Monster, but if you’re going to have the newer Sesame Muppets on this list, I think he’s a stronger staple.

No Two-Headed Monster? For Shame.

No Yip-Yip Martians?!?!?!!?!?! I’m tasting bile now.

No Mannah Mannah? I say again, NO MANNAH MANNAH?!?!?!?!?!!? WHAT. THE. BLUE. FUZZY F#(%?!?!?

No Oscar the Grouch? Now I grant you he should have been named Oscar the Prick. But let’s be honest here. What other Muppet could keep his job by being an asshole?

Where’s Robin? He might not have been the greatest Muppet (or even Muppet frog) but he still ranks higher than some of the twits you put on here.

The FUCK!?

Okay, you’re including Fraggles in this list (which I’m still not convinced you should) and Mokey doesn’t get a mention?

I was going to marry that Fraggle one day!

 
NO NO NO NO NO
How in the holy hell is Grover only #13 and Oscar not mentioned at all?
Grover’s bits as the forgetful waiter with the guy with the “beady eyes and big blue head” (“My eyes are not beady!”) and as the door-to-door salesman selling things to Kermit he doesn’t need (“You sold me a toothbrush and I don’t have any teeth! LOOK!” / “Kermit, close your mouth.”) are pure genius.
And Oscar? I’ll sing you a song that I think is tops. Keep up this racket? I’m calling the cops!

I didn’t realize how invested I was in the muppets until I was scrolling the list. I was ready to rage and then I saw Animal is #1 and all is right with the world.

Man, I am so pissed off that Ernie and I didn’t make the list. I don’t even know half these Muppets when I see them on the Street these days.
Don’t even think of coming to poker at Hooper’s today. Oscar and Guy Smiley will seriously knife your ass.
Posted by: Bert at November 1, 2011 10:45 AM
Grover sucks? GROVER SUCKS?

Please take your medication. You are experiencing a psychotic break

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Bad Words Ahead

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s