About being a responsible adult

Well, let’s be honest, it sucks.  And it sucks hard!
Having a good consience is a total pain in the ass because it means you can’t just go ahead with whatever you want without thinking about the affect it has…
As you may know, I decided to get a kitty companion for Mr. Fluffypants.  After my dad left, he seemed really lonely and his behavior during my dad’s visit was more engaged… probably because there was an additional person to pay attention to him.  So, since I’m only one person I decided that this fall I would take my holidays and get Mr. Fluffypants a friend.
Then, pretending I’m not an emotionally driven person, I started looking at pictures of kitties… kittens and cats for adoption in Vancouver… Kittens and cats with sad stories and sad eyes and hungry for love and cuddles.  Kittens and cats that don’t deserve the twist that life handed to them.  I fell in love with plenty of them… searching the shelter websites daily… until I found Cheerio.  The moment I opened her profile page and her picture appeared, my heart was cooked… She was beautiful and only 11 months old… piercing green eyes and a look that melts your heart.  And she was orange and white, which I find insanely cute.  Her profile said that she had just had a hernia surgery that was likely trauma induced and that she loves to cuddle and be held.  I imagined her crawling into bed with me and snuggling… I imagined her and Charlie nestled up on the sofa together sharing a nap in a sunbeam…
So I emailed the SPCA to determine if she was going to be the right fit.  Also, since she was an hour away, I had to make sure that I could meet her and bring her home the same day…
I told Charlie all about his girlfriend/sister and how much he would love her… I emailed my landlord to get permission to have a second kitty (since the SPCA won’t give a cat to a renter without landlord permission).
I arranged for Sam to drive me up to Squamish to go and get her… and then my stomach started to tumble…
I thought of my existing kitty who started sleeping closer and cuddling more… I thought of how difficult it might be for him to have his routine disrupted, even tho eventually they would get along.  I thought about the fact that I hadn’t planned anything like getting a new litter box or setting up her little bed in her isolation room.  I thought about how dang hot it’s been in my apartment… and mostly I thought about my fear that my existing cat, who I love more than life itself might stop loving me…How he had been through so much change in the last two and a half months and how he didn’t really deserve to be thrown into a tumble again with more change.
Thinking about my existing cat and how hurt his little feelings might have been reminded me that I’m a responsible adult.  It wasn’t the right time… Having a gurgle gut in response to getting a new pet isn’t the right reaction… I knew that I should stick to my plan of adopting another kitty in the late fall when it was cool outside and proper preparations had been made.  When Mr. Fluffypants was better adjusted to living inside… when his recollection of all the change was faded and barely there…
So I called Sam and called off the trip to go get Cheerio.  And then I cried… all the way home on the bus… (that’s about 45 min).  And when I got home I poured as much love and affection on Charlie as he would allow…and I dragged him to bed for a snuggle.  (which was ineffective because shortly after that I started throwing up and that really freaked the little bugger out!).
He’s still sleeping close and cuddly on the bed and I’m still telling him that he’s getting a sister/girlfriend… but when the time is right… like a responsible adult…

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