What it looks like

I think it’s time for the before and after pictures.

Prior to now I didn’t want to put them up… the internal, mental and emotional changes going on in my journey right now were far more important to me than the way that I looked.  But like with everything that is going on for me right now, change and perspective and lessons are happening at an incredibly rapid pace and things literally change from day to day.  I’m confident with the knowledge that the internal changes will always be the most important and they’re always the first thing I tell people when they ask me why/how I am doing what I’m doing.  I always say I didn’t get into this as a diet.  And that’s always truthful!

Now, all that aside, here’s my thoughts on the past few days… and then the pictures.

I got all dressed up on Saturday night to go to a party.  There’s a lot in that sentence that is a big deal for me.

  • I got all dressed up.  I haven’t gotten ‘dressed up’ in about 7 years… when I was with my ex we never really went and did anything that required being ‘fancy’ and then as I gained weight, it was harder to find clothes that fit and made me feel confident enough to go out with other dressed up pretty people.
  • I went to a party.  Where I knew exactly one person.  That one person was the belle of the ball tho so it wasn’t like I was going to get to sit and chat with her for the whole night.  My friend told me a few weeks ago to put myself in uncomfortable situations to learn more about myself.  I’d mentioned at that time that I knew a lot about myself and I didn’t need to feel uncomfortable to know what I did and didn’t like.  However, about 30 min in to the party I wanted to leave.  I didn’t know anyone, all the girls were so beautiful and they all knew eachother.  Recipe for uncomfortable city extraordinaire!  But my friend’s words quietly whispered in my ear and I decided to at least give it an hour.  At just the time when I wanted to leave, more people showed up at the party and came and sat where I was sitting.  They were nothing short of spectacular and I had an amazing time!  I laughed till my stomach hurt and I had tears in my eyes (which is not unusual for me in general but is for being in a group of people I don’t know).  I stayed for four hours, laughing and getting to know my new friends.  We had some crazy conversations and I told some silly stories that made them laugh too.  I went home and sent a message to my friend mentioning that it was his words of wisdom that kept me there that long and that I was glad that I’d stayed.  His response?  “I’m always right”.  How modest!
  • Here’s a grainy photo of what I wore on Saturday night.  And you can’t see it, but I wore heels… I was VERY tall!

Outfit

 

  • I know I shouldn’t care what the scale says… lots of people who have Whole30’d and gone on to keep it as a lifestyle have given up their scales.  Which eventually I will too.  However, while I’m still in the active weightloss stage of my journey, it’s nice to step on and see the number go down occasionally.  I don’t live and die by what the scale says… I’ve said from the beginning and it remains true that I’m not doing this for the purpose of losing weight.  I started and will continue to do this for the goal of feeling better, healing myself mentally and emotionally and all the side effects, including weight loss are just extra perks. But it’s still nice to know where you came from and where you’re going.
  • I told my weight lifting coach on Saturday that I turn 35 in 6 months… and that I wanted the best forearms money could buy for my birthday.  He thinks it’s a completely reasonable goal and I think so too.  My favorite muscle in my entire body is my Brachloradialis.  It’s the muscle that runs along the top of your forearm that you can see (maybe) and feel if you hold your arm out in front of you and then flex your wrist backward toward your elbow.  I originally said in March when I started my first W30 that I would give myself 6 months with no concrete goals to just work at feeling better and I would end up where I would end up.  Three and a half (ish) months in, I think I need to set some actual goals.  I didn’t realize until the conversation with Al that I turn 35 in exactly 6 months and one day.  It seems like figuring out goals for a new six month stretch is meant to be.  The problem is that I don’t know what the goals should be.  I don’t want it to be a number on the scale because that’s just a recipe for obsession and disappointment.  Should it be wearing a certain outfit on my birthday?  Lifting a certain amount of weight by then?  Running a specified distance?  I don’t know.  But I do know that I’m all about goals and writing down journey plans so this is right up my alley… if I can figure it out.

So, all that being said, here are two pictures…

Left Photo was taken on New Years Eve.  Right photo was taken May 31st.

Left Photo was taken on New Years Eve. Right photo was taken May 31st.

Left Photo was taken March 15th.  Right photo was taken June 13th.

Left Photo was taken March 15th. Right photo was taken June 13th.

 

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4 thoughts on “What it looks like

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