Day 2, KM’s 8-16

Today marks Day 2 of my Whole40 and the second day I will motor home under my own power.

Nothing is really different from 24 hours ago except that I made a decision… a commitment to myself to do something good for myself.  Something I know is successful.  Something that I know is not necessarily a cake walk but something I know I can do.  I am giddy with excitement knowing how amazing I’m going to feel in 40 days and how proud of myself I will be when I’m done!  I know I will feel that I earned that good feeling and there is a sense of euphoria that can only come from choosing to do something outside your own ‘norm’.

Ran/walked home from work yesterday.  7.75KM in 1 hour and 26 SECONDS… dang… My goal in the next three weeks is to take that 26 seconds off.  Not a huge goal I know, but this is a ‘marathon’ not a ‘sprint’ and it’s about DOING it, not doing it faster than anyone ever has.  It’s about doing it, not talking about it.  It’s about just DOING IT!!  So today I will go DO it again and get kilometers 8 through 16 under my belt.

Actions speak louder than words.  I’m off to go action my future now!

 

 

 

Not Making a Choice IS a Choice

I was chatting with a commenter on my last post and one of the things that came up is that not making a choice is a choice.

It’s an interesting thought, isn’t it?

Wouldn’t it be nice if by simply not making a choice… not choosing a path when presented with options, that we could stop time?  That the world wouldn’t keep going around us until we had decided what we wanted and were able to take our step down whatever path we chose.  The unfortunate reality is that because time passes, regardless of what we do… regardless of whether we make an intentional choice or not, there’s always a default path that we just end up down because time doesn’t wait.  The other unfortunate thing is that it’s very rare that the default path is anything other than a negative… Maybe it’s not a clearly negative thing right away but dollars to donuts, letting life just happen around you isn’t going to net super positive results.

Nowhere is that more evident than in finances and health and fitness.  I don’t claim to be an expert on either but I have no sage wisdom to give about finances other than ‘pay your bills’ and ‘don’t ignore things’. 

Health and fitness is just one big choice that we make every day.  And putting off that intentional choice until ‘tomorrow’ or ‘January 1’ or ‘after some big event’ is a choice to let more time and more opportunity slip away. 

 Every day that comes along is an opportunity to just let life happen to you and delude yourself into thinking that not making an intentional choice means that the outcome is ‘out of your hands’.  And every day that comes along is equally an opportunity to take responsibility for yourself, and your life and your wellbeing and make a choice.  Sure, maybe it won’t be the best one, or maybe you’ll have to make many choices in a trial and error type of method in order to get where you want to go.  But that means that you are intentionally living and choosing and growing and trying.  Not just letting the default ‘happen’. 

Again I come back to the motto of this blog.  ‘Time passes anyway.  Do something useful with it’.  Every day that goes by is a blessed and golden opportunity to do something purposeful.  Make a choice.  Make many choices. 

If given the choice, which we always are, I choose to choose.

One Year Ago

Today is my one year anniversary of living the Whole9 lifestyle.  I started my first W30 a year ago today and never looked back.  Have I fallen off the wagon and done some food things I’m not proud of?  Sure…. Anyone that says that they live a normal life for a year and don’t make any off roading choices or make any slip ups are probably lying to you. 

The greatest thing about the last year has been that it has not been entirely about food… in fact, it was really only tangentially about food.  

I’m not going to list all the things I learned here… I’m going to share instead, something I wrote for the Whole 30 blog, which you can see here… It was edited down a bit, so this is the whole copy… 

The motto of my blog and my life is ‘Time passes anyway.  Do something useful with it.’.  This is one of the first times in my life that I can look back at a year and know I did the best I could do with that year to be in a better place than I was a year ago… 

After existing for many years in a vacuum of love and respect and allowing the trauma of that to colour my own vision of myself, I had finally come to a place where I knew I could no longer sustain the way I was living.  Although I didn’t know what the outcome would be I knew that when I really made an effort to love & respect myself is when my whole world would start to change. I started a Whole 30 in February of 2013 and I have never looked back. I choose to eat good whole foods because I truly want to and because it makes my body feel better which, in turn, makes my mind feel better.  It has never been about my size or a pair of pants, it has always been about how I could best show love to myself.  

The most amazing part of choosing to approach my health and fitness from a place of love is that I truly do love myself. I look in the mirror and into my own eyes and see love and beauty, calm and kindness and above all, respect.  I could have punished myself with the gym and obsessed over calories, but the success that I have achieved by doing it from a place of self-love and self-respect is worth so much more than the size of my pants.  When I started this in 2013 I chose to work on my happiness (or lack thereof) and decided that I would focus on how I felt.  Even now, as I’ve seen incredible results and changed my life, the driving factor has always remained how I feel.  Do I feel in control, happy, sane?  I have found that focusing on important internal things instead of a number on the scale or a pants size has turned Whole30 into a lifestyle for me and that means that it’s sustainable. (I’m pretty strict Paleo even when I’m not doing Whole30) Going for a run and eating good, whole, nourishing food because I want to express love for myself; that will stand the test of both good times and bad.  

The side effect of loving myself through a framework of Whole30, has been a weight loss upwards of 80 pounds and many skin and pain conditions have completely resolved themselves.  My life will never be the same and I have Melissa, Dallas and Whole30 to thank for that!

Today is the last day that I compare YearAgoMe with CurrentMe.

Here are the pictures.  Now I just live life as this new me.

IMG_5940 IMG_5687

Dear Scale

Dear Scale;

Every morning I climb out of bed and touch my bed warmed bare toes to your cold hard glass… sometimes I go to the bathroom and then come back and do it again… that’s not healthy dude…

You give me the same number every day, regardless of what I’ve been doing/eating/not eating/not doing.

There are so many indicators of health and fitness that you seem blind to… do you even care how I sleep?  How my skin looks?  Whether my pants are looser and my eyes are brighter?  No, I know you don’t.  You only care about the density of whatever is standing on your cold glass.

I’ve gotten smaller and leaner and fitter in the last few months and you still seem to be stuck on the ‘number’.  Well I’m going to make this very easy for both of us.  I don’t care about your number.  I don’t ever want to put my toasty toes on your cold surface ever again!

I was going to wait until February 24th to break up with you… that’ll be a year since I started my health and fitness journey and a year since I was a LOT bigger than I am now.

But I’ve decided, much like when I decided to start my first Whole30, that if you want to do something and you can’t just ‘start today’ doing it, you’re probably not ready.  So because I am absolutely ready, I’m going to start today.

Also, here’s a little secret history about you… I stole you.  From someone I greatly dislike now.  Which means that you are bad karma to have in my house anyway!

See you later!

D

Trauma and a Date

I’ve been lucky in the last year that I’ve been living under some sort of a lucky star… the intensity of my ‘rehab’ if you will was not derailed (or even potentially derailed) by anything.  I was gifted with almost a year of stability to strengthen the parts inside me that needed strengthening.  To make habits that I had hoped would last a lifetime.  To define priorities and then work toward living based on those priorities.

One of the things that I have been very worried about in my own health and fitness journey has been what will happen when something tragic or traumatic happens.  Of course one traumatic event can not be compared to living in a steadily worsening abusive relationship but that time ruined me and I didn’t know if I trusted myself to be able to handle the sort of shit that life throws at you that you have to deal with while you keep moving forward.  What if this ‘new me’ was but a temporary sham I was living and the second that something bad happened, I fell apart again?

This is the very same reason that I have been uncomfortable up to this point in dating…What if I just gave myself away the second someone came along and asked… or worse… didn’t ask but just took.  What if I didn’t learn a single thing and I was just going to fall back into the same trap… That ‘what if’ has kept me from even considering dating…

Last week was emotional and difficult and that culminated in an incredibly complicated and traumatic weekend.  People at work keep asking how my weekend was and I’m certainly not going to share my personal life with them, but every time the question is posed, I am taken off guard and I become speechless as I look back on the train wreck of the last few days.

The good thing that came out of this… the one bit of silver lining I could find was that it didn’t level me.  It could have.  The sheer level of exhaustion I am dealing with could take my knees out from underneath me in an instant.  I will not allow it.  I will not allow something temporarily sad and traumatic to harm me. To derail me.  Did I cry?  Sure.  A LOT!  Did I take a nap?  Yes, of course.  Did I also eat all my Whole30 meals and grocery shop and do my food prep?  Yep.  Did I talk to my friends and my sister instead of going into hiding? Yes!

At the same time as this emotional trauma was happening, I just so happened to be starting to date for the first time in years.  (of course when it rains it pours!)  I am having a very nice time and I’ve met someone who is definitely considered a keeper and we have agreed to not see other people for now just to see where this goes… if it goes no where then fine but it deserves a chance to see if it goes somewhere and that means proper dedication to it.  Plus, there’s no way I could be a serial dater anyway…

I’m trying very hard to feel the fear and do it anyway… not that I’m planning on ignoring any signs that things may be off, but I have some serious hangups about dating, given my past and I will not allow them to derail me anymore than I allowed the trauma this weekend to derail me.  I will take quiet time to sit with my thoughts and feelings and work out if they are just errant self preservation and remnants of old me, or if they are genuine cause for concern.  I will allow my friends and family to meet this person sooner rather than later and I will be open minded about the entire situation, whichever way it goes… Because I owe that to myself. 

I think I’m starting to realize that I have learned my lessons… and I am strong enough to engage in even the tough parts of life and still make it out the other side in tact.

Waiting for Superman

My friend says he’s confused as to why I”m not blissfully married yet… I told him it’s because I’ve been in hiding for years.  My sister said that in order to find love, to not worry about it and just keep living an open life… I was looking through pictures tonight and found all these selfies taken in 2013… I think if I can stay true to that girl in 2014 and stay out of hiding, I just might let my superman find me. (Music is from Daughtry’s new album Baptism)
(I certainly hope it’s just my ipad acting up and bouncing the photos around like that… I”ll fix it in the morning if it’s actually like that.)

Journey Plan 2014

Every year I write a Journey Plan.  It’s a categorized list of things I want to strive for in the coming year and it is by no means written in stone.  It has things as simple as ‘wash face before bed daily’ (which incidentally, I did every single day of 2013 except for 3) and things more complex like re-uniting with old friends, making a plan for relationships and finding a hobby.  Everything is up for editing, erasing and expounding on throughout the year, because while no place in time is static, an entire year is certainly not and I don’t do this to determine success or failure to sticking to a list.

The other thing I did last year that I’m adopting again this year is a Mission Statement.  Last year my mission statement was ‘Do your best.  Every day’.  I like to think that it was a good beacon for weighing decisions against altho to be honest, there were many periods of time in the last year that I don’t think I was doing my best.  I came up with my 2014 Mission Statement about three months ago and I’ve been keeping it under my hat for just this post.  The funny thing is that there is a great connection between my Mission Statement and the 90SecondsofReal Project that I am a part of.  Why such a great connection?  Because my 2014 Mission Statement is…. Drumroll please…..

Be.  Real.

Funny how coincidences sometimes align themselves so perfectly as to not actually appear as coincidences.  I liked the simplicity of the statement Be Real.  That’s what we should be striving for right?  It’s incredible just how difficult it actually is to be consistently real.  The whole world is set up for sabotage.  The media wants you to wear false eyelashes, dye your hair, whiten your teeth… Social Media only gives you 140 characters to tell a polished version of what your life is actually like and it even provides filters to add an extra layer of ‘unreal’ to your photos.  Self help books suggest you fake it till you make it (which in itself is not such a terrible thing sometimes) and most people who as ‘how are you’ aren’t even listening for your answer… double not listening if your answer happens to be anything other than ‘I’m good thanks, you?’.

A friend of mine sent me a text about three or four months ago and said that he was proud of me for being able to stand up for myself and do the impossible * against all odds and against a world that doesn’t understand and would prefer to see me fail.  It was a little seed that sat in my brain until I realized that all I was doing was being real.  Genuine.  Authentic.   And I wasn’t even doing it ‘on purpose’.  So I wondered… what would happen should I make a concerted effort to be these things with purpose…well, as Dr. Seuss says… oh, the places you will go.

So this year, I plan to practice being real.  It might not always be the popular choice… honestly, that doesn’t bother me.  Because I’m not looking for popularity.  I’m looking for the best me I can be.

For more on ‘real’, check out our new project 90 Seconds of Real and hit the subscribe button.  You’ll get a short video from the five contributors daily to help keep you inspired, moving forward and knowing that we’re all in this journey together!

Let’s be Real

So after 2 false starts of W30, I’m now officially on my 2nd day.  I did my first day three times… the first two of those times were great, right up until the evening when I sort of fell apart and found some left over Christmas chocolate in my house.  Having done a good job of consuming all of that, and also finding the skin on my hands getting worse and worse, I buckled down yesterday and successfully put the first day in the bank.

I’ll tell you something, cleaning up your act after three weeks of silliness is not easy!  It’s incredible how quickly your body becomes dependant on those nasty little things like sugar, grains and sugar…

For almost an entire year I ate as close to W30 as possible with weekly offroading days thrown in.  There was never enough in any one off road meal per week to bounce me into a dependency… so when I went completely bananas in December and ate and drank whatever was in front of me, I naively thought that I would be fine and I could just turn off the switch and go back to my clean living with no adverse side effects.  That is certainly not how it happened and I am currently fighting the ‘are you hungry, no you’re not, you don’t need to eat’ battle.  I think that our bodies have ‘muscle memory’ as far as food goes and I don’t think I will get a very bad case of Low Carb Flu or really be in this battle for very long… the long term positives that I already know about far outweigh any short term struggle to get back on track. 

I see no reason to lie about how easy detoxing after a free for all isn’t… or hide the fact that I had to do my 1st day three times in order to be successful.  That’s real life and anyone that tells you otherwise is lying.  That said, this idea of real and honest is the driving force of a new project I am a part of. 

My sister came up with the idea that there are probably a lot of women just like us out there, struggling to maintain balance between health, fitness and real life.  She found a group of us that are all taking different journeys in order to find our balance and we will be coming to you daily to share 90 second of our Real.  90 seconds of our struggles, successes, failures, hopes and dreams.  Every weekday a new 90 second (is) vlog from one of the contributors will be posted to hopefully help motivate, inspire and encourage you.  Every day you’ll see one of us being real about life and we hope that it inspires you to be real about where you are at and where you’re going. 

Please come and visit us at www.90secondsofreal.wordpress.com.  I will be posting there on Thursdays.  We’ve got three videos up with an expected four more this week as we get into the swing of it and get back into a routine after the holidays! 

You can subscribe to us (and to this blog if you’re not already), so you get an email when a new video is posted and we hope you participate with us in the comment section!

Two Birthday Letters

On a separate blog I share with my sister, we both wrote a Birthday Post… and I’ve copied them here for you!

From Shanny

On this, the eve of our 35th birthday, while I sit here sipping a peppermint & white chocolate tea, I wanted to remind our future selves of some of the lessons we’ve learned in the past 34 years.

Things will always work themselves out, whether you can visualize it at the moment or not.  Just take a step back, breathe, do nothing and wait.  Wait and watch for direction.  It’ll come.

You’ll never be given more than you can handle and you can always handle more than you think you can.

The greatest pleasures in life are simple.  Quiet.  Spontaneous.  Brief.  They are there in the everyday; in a cup of tea or a walk in the sun, in a good book or a soft kiss.  Notice them, they are what make your life special.

The more you focus on the negative, the more the negative will focus on you.  Be wary of getting sucked into gossip or venting.  If the world is handing you rusty nails every day, ask yourself who the common denominator is and then change your attitude.  You’ll be amazed how much better it can get when nothing actually changes.

Ask for help when you need it.  Don’t try to save the world just so you can say you did it all by yourself.  No one is impressed by that, people actually want to help you.

Remember that everything changes. Don’t get complacent and don’t take anything for granted.  Tragedy or joy can strike at a moment’s notice.

Get some exercise.  Take your vitamins.  Eat real food.  Enjoy the occasional treat.

Be skeptical of things that sound too good to be true, chances are, someone is preying on you.  Nothing is free and nobody gives anything away for nothing.

Save money.  You will need it down the road.

Get your hair cut, do your nails, wax your whatevers.  It feels good to look good and you work hard and enjoy a little pampering.  A bit of the money you save above can sometimes buy you a little relaxation if you find yourself overly put upon!

Sometimes you don’t need to cook a full meal, you won’t die.  If you’re maxed or stressed or tired or pressed for time, eat an apple and a hard-boiled egg and move along.

If you’re tired, go to bed.  But remember that bed is for rest and sleep and recharging.  It is not a place to hide from life or coddle your sorrows.  Get up.  Get dressed.  Get outside.

Life happens outside.  Flocks of birds overhead, spring flowers, fresh air, softly falling snow.  Fallen leaves and cut grass and growing trees.  We were meant to live outside so get out there and experience the joy of being a living, breathing part of what God created.

Speak kindly to yourself because if you don’t, others won’t.  The way you treat yourself is how others will learn to treat you.  Stand up for yourself and your values and beliefs. 

Never sacrifice your own happiness or comfort for someone else’s.  In a good relationship, romantic or friend, your needs are just as important as theirs.

I’m sure there are many other lessons we’ve learned over the years, these are the ones that I think are some of the most valuable for living a healthy, balanced life.  Feel free to share any of your life lessons in the comments.

Here’s to another 35 years of learning, growing, failing and trying again!  I love you, Sister!

And here’s mine:

Here on the eve of my 35th birthday, I can’t help but think back to the years that came before to get me to where I am. I won’t go into the details of all that went on prior… but I will tell you what my reminiscing has made me thankful for and just how happy I am! 

I’ve said for months now that this is the first birthday in as long as I can remember (or choose to remember) that I am genuinely happy.  I feel good about my mind and my soul and my body took the hint that we are in a good place and I’m happy with where it is too!

I am happy that I can declare in my outside voice that tomorrow is my birthday and that I am 35! I have no hangup about telling people my real age, because I earned every damn year! 

And I know that I wouldn’t be half as happy as I am without knowing that my sister… the other half of my soul is also in a great place! 

We have never really been on converging paths of light and happiness in our adulthood.  We’ve gone so far as to wonder separately if it’s even possible for the two of us to be happy and healthy at the same time, or if that would be some sort of affront to the universe.  We can both say without a shadow of a doubt that it is not only possible but it is reality for us this year and for both of our futures going forward. 

I am thankful for the true blessing that only another twin can understand.  I never have to go through anything in my life alone and while that means that the hard times are less difficult, it also means that the times for celebration are twice as wonderful and twice as filled with joy.  And that means that turning 35 is twice as sweet as it would normally be.  Because I get to celebrate for me and the added joy of celebrating for her! 

Happy birthday Sister!  I love you!

35 Things before I’m 35

My 35th birthday is coming up on December 18th.  That’s 71 days from now.  It would have been much better if it was 70 days because then that would have been 35 x 2, but I’m not that anal retentive about stuff like that… (or at least I pretend not to be).

This birthday will perhaps be the first birthday in many years which I approach from a good place in my life.  I am happy, I am healthy and I am calm.  It’s not a fluke that I am approaching my birthday with these feelings, it’s a product of a lot of hard work, both mentally and physically.  It’s a product of having people in my life that are supportive and loving and encouraging.  It’s a product of removing from my life people who are NOT supportive, loving or encouraging.

The last birthday that I remember being happy for was in 2005.  That’s 8 years ago.

To celebrate and to hopefully enhance the feelings of happiness and joy in my life, I’ve made a list of things I’d like to achieve in the next 71 days.  It’s kind of an offshoot of the Journey Plan I do every year, so some things will be the same… and then there are fun new things. I realize that usually people make these types of lists years before milestone-esqe birthdays, but I had other things on my mind in the last few years… So I’m making a modified, achievable version… altho not without some challenges! 

Mail 35 postcards/greeting cards/post it notes to friends and family

Get a ‘makeup makeover’ at MAC

Run 60 miles

Finish reading a book (any book will do!)

Be the subject of a photo shoot

Get a facial

Write another Future Me letter

Get two massages

Write a thank you letter to three people who helped me out of my dark time and into the light

Dial down the potty mouth (that’ll be hard to measure…how DO you measure that?)

Take out the compost weekly

Go on Snowshoeing adventure

Plan the continuation of my tattoo

Take a bubble bath once a week

Make two skirts

Reconnect with an old friend… I’ve got a few candidates in mind

Fill out daily postcards

Join ‘The World Needs More Love Letters’ and then write love letters

Shoot guns

Play in the studio

Knit a pair of mitts

Do one Whole30 (at minimum… keep going for as long as you can)

Get a haircut

Drink at least 30 oz of water at work and 30 oz of water at home.  Per day.

Wear jewellery every day

Get a manicure 

*UPDATED ITEM*  Do the ‘Plank Challenge’ and be able to plank for 8 min by Dec 18th

Okay… this is 26.  I have 9 more spaces, so if you have any suggestions, bring them on!