Learning how to Walk

Walking seems to be such an easy thing to do, doesn’t it?  What if you’re someone like me that thinks that if you CAN run, then it’s just wimping out to walk… that makes walking less easy.  I’ve long since battled with the kind of competition within my own mind and soul that tells me that nothing is worth doing if it’s not worth doing as fast and as hard as you can.  It can get to be a problem because there’s no middle ground.  I either do something full on, balls to the wall or I don’t do anything at all.  This type of thought pattern has infiltrated my entire life and while it’s not reasonable to repair that way of thinking in every aspect of my life in a day, it IS reasonable to work on changing it where I can.

This 3 week commuter challenge that I’m doing at work is a perfect time to work on ‘middle ground’.  I made a commitment (a rather loud, noisy, braggerty one) to commute home from work under my own power 3 days a week for three full weeks.  That’s a total of 24KM (15miles) per week and I quickly realized that if I didn’t find any middle ground in order to get this done, I would be doomed to failure.  It does the competition, the commitment and me in general no good whatsoever to push my body to excess the first week and then be completely unable to continue on to the next two weeks.

So on Monday I ran most of the way home, having not yet discovered this need for middle ground.  On Tuesday I forced myself to walk the entire way.  To be honest?  That sounded like torture to me.  I really believed that walking home was just a cop out and that it didn’t ‘count’, regardless of how hard I worked at it.  Well, as my sister so rightly pointed out, it’s not like I was strolling through the park with an ice cream in my hand… I push HARD all the way.  The mental battle to ‘just run a bit’ was strong in my mind for a good portion of the 8K… So about halfway through, I decided that I would try running and see if that felt good… if it felt like I was flying then I would run. Well it felt like running with lead shoes on…. And I realized that I liked the middle ground.  I was working hard, I was sweating and felt a good burn in my quads and the moments of drifting out of my own head into a meditative state.  I’ve never been very good at shutting off my mind, regardless of how hard I tried.  I’m easily distracted and I have a tendancy to have ‘thought trail diarrhea’ where I realize I don’t even know how I got from the original thought to the current one… I don’t particularly like that feeling of mindless thinking and every once in awhile it’s nice to not have your mind going a million miles an hour.

On Wednesday I walked home again… no thought of running entered my mind and I enjoyed the meditation and the free feeling that not being in constant competition with myself gave me.

Day 5 of my Whole40 is drawing to a close and I’m pleased to report that I am firmly on board for the full 40 days.  I’ve also discovered again that sugar, even from grapes, makes me incredibly itchy.  It’s interesting actually because sugar, when eaten with other crappy dietary choices, doesn’t seem to bother me as much.  When I am clean eating and consuming too much natural sugar from whole foods, I get ridiculously itchy.

In the first five days I’ve noticed some de-puffing, better sleep (I wake up at 5:27 on the dot every day… like WIDE AWAKE) and better… um… bathrooming… ahem.

This coming Wednesday marks 10 days on W30 and ¼ of the way through. It’s an interesting journey to take this time because I know what to expect as far as feeling lousy (I haven’t yet) and as far as potential non-scale victories (as mentioned above). I’m keeping an open mind to new things to learn about myself and my body and food and the way my mind and body interact with food.

No choice in life but to just keep going forward.  So forward I go!

Day 2, KM’s 8-16

Today marks Day 2 of my Whole40 and the second day I will motor home under my own power.

Nothing is really different from 24 hours ago except that I made a decision… a commitment to myself to do something good for myself.  Something I know is successful.  Something that I know is not necessarily a cake walk but something I know I can do.  I am giddy with excitement knowing how amazing I’m going to feel in 40 days and how proud of myself I will be when I’m done!  I know I will feel that I earned that good feeling and there is a sense of euphoria that can only come from choosing to do something outside your own ‘norm’.

Ran/walked home from work yesterday.  7.75KM in 1 hour and 26 SECONDS… dang… My goal in the next three weeks is to take that 26 seconds off.  Not a huge goal I know, but this is a ‘marathon’ not a ‘sprint’ and it’s about DOING it, not doing it faster than anyone ever has.  It’s about doing it, not talking about it.  It’s about just DOING IT!!  So today I will go DO it again and get kilometers 8 through 16 under my belt.

Actions speak louder than words.  I’m off to go action my future now!

 

 

 

Hold my Hand

My sister and I are doing a 5 KM ‘fun run’ on Sunday.

It’s kind of a big deal you see.

We have never in our lives (that I can remember from the time we were 15… which is a long time ago but please don’t do the math!) been in the same place health and fitness wise as each other.

When I’ve been in shape and in a healthy frame of mind, she has not.  When she made her move to improve her life and her health/fitness, I was going down the path of self-destruction… a path I went a loooong way down.

Now, here in our 35th year, we are finally in a place in life where we are walking down the same road in the same direction… near about the same spot on the road even.  If you’re picturing that road, we’re so close to each other we could reach out and hold hands.

So on Sunday, when we run this race together, I plan to hold her hand as we cross the finish line.  We’ve worked very hard and waited a long time for the chance to do that.

Wish us luck!

Because I Can

As I was on my after work run last night and my head was telling me that I can’t, I remembered something an old friend once told me about why she ran.  Because I can.  Because I am capable of running and exercising.  Because there are people that physically can’t do it and it would be such a waste to be someone that CAN do it and to take that for granted.

That thought has stuck with me for a long time… She told me that right near the time we first met and that was in around about 2002 so it’s a sentiment that managed to stick in my brain for the last 11 years. 

I was thinking about that as I ran last night.  Because I can.  I do this because I am capable of doing this.  I have been blessed with mobility and perseverance (God knows I’ve used a lot of perseverance in the last while) and a time in my life that I have next to no commitments or demands on my time.  I don’t have kids, I don’t have a significant other, my pet is pretty self-sufficient and I can work my 7.5 hours a day and then go home.  This is not said to gloat of course, I know from the outside it looks like I’ve got it pretty easy and maybe comparatively I do.  This is said because I think it would be grossly taking advantage of this time of my life and not pushing myself.  I could go home and play with the kitty and have a nap and watch crappy tv while I eat crappy food… I’ve done it in the past and I COULD do it again… Or I could put my runners on, grab my ipod and go outside and run as hard and as fast and as long as my body will carry me that day because I can.