Learning how to Walk

Walking seems to be such an easy thing to do, doesn’t it?  What if you’re someone like me that thinks that if you CAN run, then it’s just wimping out to walk… that makes walking less easy.  I’ve long since battled with the kind of competition within my own mind and soul that tells me that nothing is worth doing if it’s not worth doing as fast and as hard as you can.  It can get to be a problem because there’s no middle ground.  I either do something full on, balls to the wall or I don’t do anything at all.  This type of thought pattern has infiltrated my entire life and while it’s not reasonable to repair that way of thinking in every aspect of my life in a day, it IS reasonable to work on changing it where I can.

This 3 week commuter challenge that I’m doing at work is a perfect time to work on ‘middle ground’.  I made a commitment (a rather loud, noisy, braggerty one) to commute home from work under my own power 3 days a week for three full weeks.  That’s a total of 24KM (15miles) per week and I quickly realized that if I didn’t find any middle ground in order to get this done, I would be doomed to failure.  It does the competition, the commitment and me in general no good whatsoever to push my body to excess the first week and then be completely unable to continue on to the next two weeks.

So on Monday I ran most of the way home, having not yet discovered this need for middle ground.  On Tuesday I forced myself to walk the entire way.  To be honest?  That sounded like torture to me.  I really believed that walking home was just a cop out and that it didn’t ‘count’, regardless of how hard I worked at it.  Well, as my sister so rightly pointed out, it’s not like I was strolling through the park with an ice cream in my hand… I push HARD all the way.  The mental battle to ‘just run a bit’ was strong in my mind for a good portion of the 8K… So about halfway through, I decided that I would try running and see if that felt good… if it felt like I was flying then I would run. Well it felt like running with lead shoes on…. And I realized that I liked the middle ground.  I was working hard, I was sweating and felt a good burn in my quads and the moments of drifting out of my own head into a meditative state.  I’ve never been very good at shutting off my mind, regardless of how hard I tried.  I’m easily distracted and I have a tendancy to have ‘thought trail diarrhea’ where I realize I don’t even know how I got from the original thought to the current one… I don’t particularly like that feeling of mindless thinking and every once in awhile it’s nice to not have your mind going a million miles an hour.

On Wednesday I walked home again… no thought of running entered my mind and I enjoyed the meditation and the free feeling that not being in constant competition with myself gave me.

Day 5 of my Whole40 is drawing to a close and I’m pleased to report that I am firmly on board for the full 40 days.  I’ve also discovered again that sugar, even from grapes, makes me incredibly itchy.  It’s interesting actually because sugar, when eaten with other crappy dietary choices, doesn’t seem to bother me as much.  When I am clean eating and consuming too much natural sugar from whole foods, I get ridiculously itchy.

In the first five days I’ve noticed some de-puffing, better sleep (I wake up at 5:27 on the dot every day… like WIDE AWAKE) and better… um… bathrooming… ahem.

This coming Wednesday marks 10 days on W30 and ¼ of the way through. It’s an interesting journey to take this time because I know what to expect as far as feeling lousy (I haven’t yet) and as far as potential non-scale victories (as mentioned above). I’m keeping an open mind to new things to learn about myself and my body and food and the way my mind and body interact with food.

No choice in life but to just keep going forward.  So forward I go!

Whole30 On! (okay, well 40)

Okay, so I know I haven’t been around much (I can’t even remember the last time I posted)… I’ve had a bit of a rough time… some bad vibes that I won’t get into here but today’s the day that I put a stop to all that… just because bad things happen to good people doesn’t mean that those good people (ME!) have to fall down the rabbit hole of despair!  (as a bunny lover you’d think I liked rabbit holes, but no… rabbit holes never hold anything good!).


I’ve decided to put my pride on the line and do a Whole40.  It’s exactly 40 days until I set sail on the adventure of a lifetime and I am not interested in going feeling uncomfortable, bloated and not in total control.  (sure I know you can’t control everything and I would never even think to try… but you CAN control some things…)

So, today is Day 1 and I pledge 100% compliance, devotion and control for 40 days.  I have done much harder things in my life than 40 days of not eating ice cream and drinking wine. (and lets face it… that’s the only two things that are really ever outside of 100% compliance anyway!).

To add motivation to this 40 days, today coincides with the start of our Clean Commuter Challenge at work in which I am a team captain (and I’ve dished a fairly decent amount of smack talk!).  It is basically 3 weeks of trying to better your existing commute with cleaner choices. Since I already take transit, the only way for me to better my cleanliness is to walk/run to and from work.  Being a sweaty exerciser (and not wanting to get up at 4am) I’m going to continue to take transit to work but I’ve pledged to get home under my own steam at least three days a week.  It’s about 8KM one way (first half uphill, second half downhill) and lucky for me, I have weekly massage appointments booked for the next 40 days as well so I should be in fine fighting form the whole time!  

Some of the things that I hope to gain from this 40 days, besides weight loss are:

Relief of my almost daily headaches

Less itchy skin

Kick my current obsession over ice cream

Wake up feeling more rested

Log as many kilometers as possible (I’m not setting a goal here)

Eat more vegetables (sometimes I lack)

Fit my denim capris more comfortably

That’s about it for me.  My starting weight is 225.  Not awful… it’s actually pretty much the same I’ve been for some time but I’m puffy and inflamed 😦 I’m taking the battery out of my scale tonight so I can’t weigh for the full 40 days.

I’ll take before pictures tonight when I get home.  I’m not about measurements (the pictures usually speak for themselves and I’ve never been one to track measurements).

If you’re starting your first (or your second, fifth or fiftieth) or want to start one with me, join me!  There is LITERALLY no down side!